


Five Times River Tam Touched Jayne Cobb's Man Parts Without Permission

by Mari



Series: Five!Verse [1]
Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-27
Updated: 2011-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-18 17:36:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/191467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mari/pseuds/Mari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yep, it's what it sounds like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times River Tam Touched Jayne Cobb's Man Parts Without Permission

1\. The first time the moonbrain made a grab for his John Thomas, it took all of Jayne's self-control to avoid backhanding her again. He was tidying up his weight bench when she crept up behind him and reached between his legs, giving him a good squeeze before darting away.

"The _hell_ …?" Jayne roared, and he could hear the Doc clattering down the stairs somewhere behind him, yelling "River, no!" in that prissy tone of voice that was always _exactly the same_ , no matter whether his sister was throwing her food or taking a knife to someone.

River didn't flinch at either response, just giggled all high-pitched, and said, "Jayne ain't a girl."

Jayne huffed out a deep, irritated breath and turned his back on her. The Doc had one hand against his mouth, obviously trying not to laugh, and it pissed Jayne off even more. "She does that again, she's getting a grope right back, _dǒngma_?"

"I'm sorry, Jayne, I'm sure she didn't mean –"

Jayne made sure to hit him extra hard with his shoulder when he shoved past on his way to the kitchen.

2\. The Maidenhead on Beaumonde. It hurt so bad that Jayne was worried for a couple of days that little Crazy might have really damaged something, but there was no rutting way he was gonna ask her brother to take a look.

Anyway, it all seemed to be in decent working order within a week, so he stopped worrying about it.

3\. A good friend would've been real happy for Kaylee that she finally got the Doc where she wanted him after all the bad business with the Alliance and the Reavers. But Jayne weren't all that good a friend, and watching the two of them get gooey on each other gave him a powerful uncomfortableness. Mostly, he tried not to think too hard about pretty little Kaylee and her shiny new love life. And sometimes he got good and drunk.

He was polishing off a bottle of something a little better than mudder's milk (but not much), and probably he'd had more than he thought, or else he fell asleep a little bit, because one minute he was alone on the couch outside the infirmary, and the next he had a lapful of girl, and no memory of the time in between.

"Whuh?" he said. And then he realized who it was and said, "gorramit, River, get off!"

"You owe me," she said, kinda sing-songy, and Jayne felt a little flash of panic. The last time he'd been _this_ trashed, he'd sorta tried to kill her, and maybe she was wanting revenge.

But her hands were empty, and she was walking the fingers of one of them down his chest and over his stomach. He grabbed her hand, and she looked him in the eye, intent and sober.

"Told Simon that next time, I'd get a grope right back. You owe me."

"Huh?" Jayne said. "What are you… You don't mean what happened in the _Maidenhead_ , do you?" It seemed that she did. "Girl, that was _assault_ , is what that was. You are seriously off your nut."

"Off _yours_ ," she muttered.

He laughed, and relaxed his grip a little, and she moved fast. Her fingers were under his waistband before Jayne could blink, and he didn't bother trying to catch her hand again but just stood up, sending her tumbling from his lap.

4\. A few weeks later, she caught him outside his bunk late at night, after everyone else had gone to bed. She backed him up against the wall, and it wasn't that he couldn't have got past her if he wanted, because of course he could, she weren't _that_ scary, just that he thought it might be better not to push her if he didn't have to. So he crossed his arms and leaned against the bulkhead like it was his idea and waited to see what eerie-ass thing was gonna come out of her mouth this time.

"You think about me when you touch yourself," she said.

Yup. There it was.

"Well, 'course I do. You're a girl, ain't ya? I think about lots of people. Hell, sometimes your brother starts to look kinda good, we been out in the black long enough."

She leaned towards him, slid her slender knee between his thighs. He could hear his own sharp intake of breath, knew that she could hear it too. Not that she needed to _hear_ a rutting thing.

"Not always in the black," she murmured, pressing her body up against his. He could feel her breasts against his forearms. He hadn't realized she was that tall, somehow. "When we're in port, you still –"

"Yeah, well, thinking ain't doing." And then he did push her, but not very hard.

5\. After the fifth time, he decided that maybe he'd better try to talk to her about it. "Are you doing this to anyone else, or am I special?"

For the first time, River looked embarrassed, hanging her head so her long hair covered her face. "Only you," she said.

Jayne let go of her wrists, ready to grab 'em again if she went for him, but she just let her hands fall to her sides. "The hell's this about, then?" he asked.

" _Huángdì de nǚér_ ," River whispered. "Once upon a time, I was the Emperor's daughter. But now I'm the one that wants."

"Wants what?"

"To be, to feel… To know." She shook her hair back and looked up at him, and he caught a flash of teeth as she grinned. "The biblical sense."

Jayne snorted. "You gotta start wanting it from someone else, understand?"

"Why?"

"For one, I'm twice your age. And for two, you're… Well."

"Crazy," she finished.

"Yeah, that."

She frowned. "Conventional morality is a social construct that becomes increasingly less relevant with isolation."

"What?"

"You kill people. You steal."

"That ain't the same thing as taking advantage of little girls don't know what they're asking for."

River rolled her eyes. "You tried to trade a gun for a wife."

He was about to explain to her about how that's totally different, but she interrupted his train of thought, her eyes going wide with surprise.

"You love her."

"Huh? _Saffron_?"

"Vera. Love all of them. _Dăshǒuqiāng_ ," she added, and there was that wicked grin again. "And I'm a gun in the shape of a girl."

She took his hand, gently, and he let her press his palm against her waist. He could feel her softness there, the side of her stomach rounding smoothly into her hip.

"You ain't," he said, hoarsely, as she guided his hand lower, sliding his fingers down over her thigh.

"No," she agreed. "But woman isn't alliterative."

"I meant –"

"I know." She let go of his hand, but he didn't pull it back. "Jayne. I can't always – They dug up the paths in my brain that my voice used to walk, and now I have to crawl, or climb, or jump."

He frowned. "That don't make sense."

"Exactly." River reached out and touched his face, her fingertips light against his jaw. "Metaphors are tricky. But listen. Even when I can't say what you're hearing, I understand. I comprehend. I can consent."

She didn't try to kiss him. She pressed the pad of her thumb to the side of his mouth, and he turned his head toward her palm, considering. On the one side, it weren't like their history was free of conflict, exactly. And nobody would advise a man to get naked with a woman who'd once cut him open with a carving knife, no more than they would advise her to get sexed by him as had tried to sell her to the Feds.

On the other side, she was right there, putting her hands on him and his hands on her. And if she wasn't entirely right in the head still, she wasn't as far off her axle as he'd thought, neither.

He put his arm around her waist, pulled her close. "Well. I guess I can consent just as good as you can."


End file.
